Still Unemployed

You can go days without talking to someone. When you are unemployed, you send plenty of e-mails, read plenty of news of the outside world, and watch life move forward on dozens of cable channels like Bravo, HGTV and the Food TV Network. With days so full of job search, one-on-one conversations don't come up very often. And the longer you remain unemployed, the more you try to avoid them. When friends start talking about vacations they are planning or whining about their "money problems," you have nothing to say and an increasing desire slice open a jugular on them.

Being unemployed is nothing to be ashamed of, and is often a great opportunity for good things to happen. At some point, though, you cross the line to being "still unemployed," which is sad. I'm not sure where that line exists, but you know you have crossed it when even your mother, the woman who gave birth to you and was genetically predisposed to love you no matter what - when even your mother wonders out loud, "What's wrong with you?" A sneer mixed with love still hurts. Never mind that it was said after her second glass of chablis.

I am "still unemployed" after three months. My resume has made the rounds of my network of friends and their friends. It has been posted on job boards and forwarded to countless postings on Craigslist. I have had two interviews in three months. I was denied at every turn. What's wrong with me?

Maybe it's my career choice... so I lower my expectations and begin applying for every job at museum gift shops.

Maybe it's my strange patchwork of experience... so I re-evaluate my resume and change my Objective to "I'll do anything you want! I have no shame!"

Maybe I'm just not employable... so as a last resort, I log on to Manhunt.net to raise my self-esteem.

Manhunt is an online social networking community for gay men. In other words, it's a sex chat site. "Clean cut bottom pig seeks furry daddy!" I couldn't put that on my resume no matter how succinctly it describes me. I log on, check for e-mail and see who else is online.

Now, I could have logged on to any number of gay communities - M4M4sex.com, Adam4Adam.com, dudesnude.com or the very pedestrian gay.com. Manhunt is usually my first stop, though. Guys on Manhunt tend to respond quickly - more quickly than, say, the countless managers who let my resume linger in a pile on their desk for weeks while I have nothing better to do than troll this website for flattering comments and good kissers. [Author's note: whatever else I may be looking for on Manhunt is private information and not suitable for publication in this forum. Details can be forwarded directly to you, my loyal fans, if you wish to deposit a mere $9.95 into my PayPal account]

It never ceases to amaze me how many men are online so close to noon on a Tuesday. I can't help but picture them just as they are in their profile photographs - sitting half-naked bathed in the atmospheric blue glow of their computer screens. Even at lunch on a Tuesday, they must be bare chested. I wonder if these guys ever get dressed. I mean, I did... mostly. I don't have shoes and socks on and my shirt is still hanging open, but I put a shirt on. I may be unemployed, but I'm not that lazy. I have nothing if not a desire to keep up appearances, but these guys... well... oh, wait... I just remembered my profile.

Maybe I should button up my shirt and switch back to Craigslist.